Trusting the Seasons

While I expect the cold weather to linger a little longer, signs of spring are already here. My daffodils are emerging, and the plum trees are beginning to bud. It’s been two years since I first became aware of the increasing frequency of my anxiety. In that time, despite the darkness and hardships, I’ve continued to do the work — facing uncovered trauma and unhealed wounds. I now see that process as planting seeds for a new life, mixing in the compost of experience and growth to enrich the soil.

This new life isn’t so much external as it is internal: a new attitude, new courage, new confidence, and new behaviors. I can’t say I’m cured of anxiety and depression by any means, yet I can feel — palpably — that I’m coming through the tunnel. Just like the buds pushing through, there’s an inner strength in me beginning to emerge.

I’m deeply grateful for the abundant resources I’ve leaned on. My meditation practice has provided a solid foundation. The 12-step programs and their fellowships have been profoundly supportive. The professionals I found online through my health insurance platform have guided me and kept me safe. And of course, I couldn’t have survived without the partner who let me fall apart and the friends who are there for me.

As life unfolds, I often say, “I believe in Divine Timing.” The little seeds I’ve sown, mixed with the richness of life’s compost, are beginning to sprout. I don’t yet know when the new season will arrive or how it will manifest in the material world — but that, too, is something to look forward to.