The One Who Knows

There’s so much suffering in the world these days — where we can literally watch horrible tragedies unfolding live on TV or stream services. It’s a privilege that I, like many others, can choose to switch off the news or not engage with it in the first place. Yet this does not shield me from the pervasive sense of unease that seems to permeate not only the global stage but also my local and personal life.

In fact, for some time, I have been grappling with a subtle sensation, which I hesitate to label as “anxiety,” as it feels elusive and transient, lurking just beneath the surface of my consciousness.

So I make an attempt to investigate the emotional undercurrent when I have the mindspace to do so. When those voices of despair or hopelessness arise, I try to watch and witness the thoughts impartially. More often than not; however, I find myself engaging in those thoughts which then trigger certain emotions, which then possibly lead me to act rather unskillfully.

Fortunately, I have an arsenal of teachings I can listen to and practice through these turbulent waters. The last few days I’ve been listening to one of my favorite teachers, Jonathan Foust, who has a series of talks on “Thoughts on Thinking,” in which he shares some tangible ways to heighten our awareness of our thought processes and, ultimately, cultivate a more compassionate relationship with our own thinking. This practice reveals the underlying beliefs I carry, empowering me to question, and ideally release patterns that do not serve me well.

When I can successfully step back from my own thoughts and discern what my mind is doing without reacting, it creates a space to hold those thoughts and feelings thereof in gentle awareness. That’s what I strive for… to be able to access the one who knows what’s going on without judging and clinging. And this allows me to even feel happy while I’m holding that sadness in my heart.