Paused…

Paused…

So my intention was to have a little retreat for myself at home. I had created a schedule for Friday afternoon through Tuesday morning with some time for Dharma talks, mindful movement, and walking meditation in addition to the sitting periods. I didn’t think it was going to be easy while living with a husband, but the point was to be able to have a quiet time to meditate several times throughout the day for minimum of 45 minutes at a time. In that sense, I did get the pause I wanted.

The weather turned so much warmer last week, which made it perfect to sit outside on the deck, hearing the birds and the wind, feeling the breeze on my skin. Walking to the woods either early morning or late afternoon was refreshing. I also made it a working meditation as I did some house chores while listening to Dharma talks. Meanwhile, I did interact with my husband during lunch breaks and in the evenings. So it wasn’t like the perfect retreat I wanted, but for the most part I got to “pause.” I didn’t get on Zoom except for joining the practice groups as part of my retreat schedule; didn’t engage in social media or email as much.

“It’s like this” is the phrase I keep telling myself. I had to accept what is in this particular time of our life. I’m grateful to have been able to pause as much as I did. Then on Monday morning, my retreat was disrupted with a news from Japan that my mother’s bank account was wiped out. I don’t wish to dwell on this story as it is currently under investigation by the local authority there. Needless to say, my retreat schedule was thrown out the window as of Monday. Certainly, I felt a bit of disappointment. Then again, it is simply like this. As Rolling Stones sang, “You can’t always get what you want.”

Several years ago, when I was experiencing some difficulties in my life, I heard these phrases in one of the Dharma talks by Meg Gawler and often remembered to tell myself:

Things are as they’ve come to be

May I have an open heart

May whatever clouds my heart be dissolved

May I see the world with quiet eyes

That seems to be apropos for the world we find ourselves today.