On Fire

We survived the extreme heat last weekend, but we are on fire. We, as in California, as in the country, as on the Earth and as in humanity. Is it just me that feels that way? There seems to be so much fire burning not only in our backyards throughout the state that’s literally taking some of the community apart as they have in many of our communities in the last several years, but also in our psyche.

As we live in the mountain community where fire hazard is a reality every day during the fire season, I have been on alert — getting myself prepared mentally and physically, but really how can I be prepared for something so powerful?

On one hand, it feels like we’ve got used to this new way of living with the pandemic — wearing masks and social distancing, etc. yet on the other, I’m still feeling quite ungrounded amidst all the different crisis that keep coming at us. I’m not taking any of it personally, but I do feel it at personal level.

Mom was moved to a rehab facility, which in itself is a good news, but it still leaves us (me and my brother) with a question of where she’ll go from there as the doctors are telling her she can’t go home. I want to be there to sort her affairs so I can find the resources to help her last days as comfortable and peaceful as she can. While I am taking actions to get there, I don’t know when that will happen because there are things I need to tend to at home like my ailing kitty, making sure we’re prepared for potential fires. I have no choice but to trust that I am guided with my response to all these situations.

Sometimes I doubt myself that I couldn’t survive all these “fires” in my life. Yet, I’m reminded of the story how Buddha reached his ultimate enlightenment after being taken over by doubt. No matter how uncomfortable, I have to remind myself that I have the innate ability to weather the storms if I can trust it. The practice is the refuge from these fires all around, and I am so grateful.