Motherhood

This past weekend, in fact, on the Mother’s Day weekend, a friend of mine lost one of her kitties. Tululah, the cat had a kidney problem and recently developed cancer in her stomach, which led to a relatively quick decline. Tululah was one of the two kitties my friend had left after losing another one about a year ago. The losses are felt quite profoundly. For those of us without human children, the furry animals are just as precious part of our life. We get so attached to them, and losing them can be devastating.

This loss was hard for me, too, as Tululah was a black cat just like my Nicola, who is the surviving sibling after we lost her brother, Riley. Nicola is now 16-years old and has a kidney condition as well. The vet told me as long as she keeps eating, she should be fine for a good while. So every day that Nicola is still with me, I am so grateful. I cherish every moment I get to be with her.

While I’ve had a blessings of having a wonderful God daughter, Nicole, and a beautiful step-daughter, Marissa, every once in a while, I still grieve for the fact that I didn’t get to experience the human motherhood, though it was my choice. My cats have been definitely my kids and a huge part of my life. Especially after losing Riley unexpectedly more than two years ago, I’ve become more attached to Nicola as a solid oxytocin generator for me. I feel comforted when she sits on my lap while I meditate, when she lays half of her body on my belly as we go to sleep; and when she greets me at the door when I come home.

And I get to watch my “clinging” literally as I meditate with her on my lap. As they say, our children have so much to teach us. So do our beloved animals, don’t they?