Mindful of Thoughts
Lately I find myself thinking a lot. I guess I literally have a lot on my mind, which I’m sure is not particularly unusual in a time when there’s a lot going on in everybody’s world. When I do guided meditations, I often use the analogy of “vast sky” or “river” to help guide our minds to become an observer of the thoughts: i.e., be like the sky and let the clouds and weather come and go; or sit by the river bank and watch the stream flow.
Mind is supposed to think. So there’s nothing wrong with thinking in meditation. By being aware of our thinking process, hopefully we reach a point where we get some clear insights. Some thoughts are quite compelling and capable of engulfing my mind during the meditation. Then there’s a moment I realize that I’m “engaging” in whatever the topic that’s actively participating in my mind, there’s a momentary “emptiness.” If I don’t react to my own thoughts and allow them to just take their course of thinking process — kind of like letting the flu bug work itself through our physical body — I find that there’s often a sense of relief: “Thank God, I don’t have to think about this right now!”
I admit it’s not so easy to get there. That’s why we call it practice, I guess. During the recent retreat on the second day, I had a particular “topic” pop up in my mind out of nowhere. It was about a situation that I felt I needed to deal with after the retreat. Despite my awareness and effort to not get engaged in the thinking of the topic, it kept coming back into my mind and grabbed my attention. After a whole afternoon and evening of sitting with these nagging thoughts, I finally decided to write everything out so that I don’t have to keep thinking about it. This way from the next day, that particular topic kept popping up, but I was able to let go by saying to myself, “not now.”
What’s helpful for me to notice is how I’m feeling in my body when particular thoughts are occupying my mind. Sure enough I’m either feeling some heat, heart palpitating, or breath is shallow when I’m fixating on some particular topics. Mindfulness is simple in principles, but it does require practice. I think we’re all fortunate that tools and resources for mindfulness are ubiquitous, and you can always come sit with me!