Livin’ It Up

In my last writing, I shared my journey of dealing with heightened anxiety and depression. I was deeply touched by the many responses that reminded me I wasn’t alone. Indeed, I believe many of us are experiencing some kind of challenge because, as we know, “life is in session.”

As I navigate this stormy inner landscape, I recognize that my suffering stems from discontent with the present condition in one way or the other, to which I’m reacting with some intense emotions that are rooted in the past. This is Dukkha, the First Noble Truth, the experiences of suffering. The remaining threeof the Four Noble Truths reveal a path to liberate ourselves.

On Sunday, InsightLA teacher Lisa Kring gave a talk about the path to joy and shared a story: When Trudy Goodman, the founding teacher of InsightLA, asked her first Zen teacher for a final teaching as the teacher faced the end of life, the response was, “Live it up!” Such a succinct teaching! But how do we live it up? It reminded me of my father’s last words to me before he passed away more than 20 years ago. In Japanese, he said, “しっかり生きろ!” which perfectly translates to “Live it up!”

For me, especially because of where I am today, living it up means facing reality, embracing it, and enduring whatever I need to without avoiding or ignoring it. Whatever I’m experiencing is a necessary process for healing the unhealed parts of myself. It is painful and uncomfortable, but all the extreme emotions I’m experiencing have been stored in my body and soul for a long long time and apparently are now ready to be felt so I can release them.

Amidst the uncertainty with all the options for which path to take, I have decided to give myself a little sabbatical. My life had become too cluttered, and consequently, my mind, heart, and soul followed suit. I need time and space to find my clear path to joy. I’m trusting this journey, and this is how I am living it up.