Learning To Receive
I just turned sixty three yesterday. Yes, I’m entering the realm of “mid-60s,” which I must admit feels rather astounding. “Astounding” because I don’t feel it. Thanks to my Asian gene, I know I still look youthful despite my sagging chin. It’s not that I don’t want to get old, but as I get older, I just feel the sense of, well, mortality. As I embrace this new phase of life, I cannot help but grapple with the undeniable truth of mortality. While I hope to maintain my health and vitality, the realization that the time ahead is now shorter than the time lived behind is humbling.
Currently I find myself confronted with a sense of reckoning. There is an opportunity to reconcile with the past and pave the way for vibrant years ahead. Gratefully, I possess an abundance of resources at my disposal, even accessible with just a few taps on my fingertips. I have delved into various modalities of healing and self-discovery, amassing a rich toolbox of support. Though life isn’t merely a self-improvement project, I believe it is an ongoing journey of learning about oneself. Even after six decades of living, I recognize there is so much more to uncover and understand about who I truly am.
Recently, I’ve come face to face with an aspect of myself that deserves attention — my difficulty in receiving. I have noticed my hesitation in accepting the generosity and kindness that others extend towards me. Again speaking of “reckoning,” I have some clues as to why I feel that way, and I am exploring different ways to see what there is to know about that.
So on this birthday, I paid particular attention as the birthday wishes and some gifts flow in. My hubby, in particular, made a concerted effort to celebrate my birthday this year. Yet, I found it challenging to let go of my need to control his actions. However, by relinquishing that control, I had one of the most memorable birthdays ever.
The day started at Inn of the Seventh Ray in Topanga Canyon, a place I had longed to visit as it holds a special place in my heart. We followed it up with a refreshing visit to the beach, where I unexpectedly took a quick swim — an exhilarating moment that reminded me of the spontaneity that life can offer. Later, we both indulged in 90-minute massages, a gesture of self-care that allowed us to unwind and embrace the blissful tranquility of the present moment. To conclude the day, we deliberately didn’t make any plans and wandered the streets, letting our instincts guide us to a restaurant that caught our fancy.
This birthday became a powerful reminder of the significance of accepting the generosity of others and relinquishing control to embrace life’s spontaneity. As I embark on this latter third of my life, I aim to continue exploring the depths of myself and learning to receive graciously. I recognize that opening up to the love, kindness, and support around me is not a sign of weakness but a celebration of our interconnectedness as human beings.
In the remaining years ahead, I want tol endeavor to nurture and cherish the relationships I have, acknowledging that life’s richness lies not just in what I give but also in what I allow myself to receive. Just as I have cultivated my toolbox of self-discovery, I shall now craft a new one, filled with the wisdom of receiving life’s gifts with gratitude and an open heart. This is my commitment to making the coming years as vibrant and meaningful as possible.