Gentle Perseverance

For some reason when it hits September I start to feel anxious. Well, it’s not that I don’t feel anxious in other months, but it’s a distinct feeling that the year is starting to wrap up as the last quarter is only a month away. Before we know, we will start seeing the holiday decorations in places. I think I feel anxious partially because the world seems to be always rushing us towards the next opportunity to celebrate something — meaning spending money.

While 2021 has been a little better — or I should say “not as difficult as 2020” so far as we have got to gather with friends and families and do some traveling with protective protocols. Yet the pandemic is far from over, and there are so many other difficult matters both globally and personally that are occupying our mind these days. I actually felt quite powerless for the last few weeks over my tendency to take on the suffering of others and the world, which often manifests as self-condemnation. Hmmm, that’s a dramatic word. Let’s try “being hard on myself.” Whatever I have been doing with my sincere desire to do something that would make a difference in the world all felt like in vain. All the actions I’m taking whether in my professional life or personal seemed like so far from having any impact. And darn, when I start to go down in the rabbit hole like that, it feels like a free fall.

Then a few days ago, I finally got to recognize how my mind was simply taken over by the “voices” that keep telling me all the negative “opinions,” and those voices were getting louder by day. When I realized they were just thoughts and that I don’t have to believe them, the relief I felt was almost ecstatic. Though those voices continue to lure me into that dark place, at least I know I can choose not to engage with them. Phew…

Coincidentally the topic of my teacher’s talks this week is “patience.” When I was feeling like I wasn’t making the progress I wanted to have made by now, I was reminded of the practice. Just sit to meditate everyday even if it’s a short period. I was reminded to keep taking “small little ongoing steps of small engagement without strain, without strife without resistance. Simple steps. Keep going.” He calls it “gentle perseverance.” Yeah, I’m really liking that term, “gentle perseverance.” My efforts don’t have to be driven by my need to prove, to change something or someone, or to be recognized. If I can trust my internal compass and persevere gently, that’s all that matters.

#YouCanSitWithUs