First Day Without A Kitty
The day finally came to let go of my beloved kitty, Nicola. The last few weeks were particularly difficult as I watch her decline. I kept debating when to call the vet to put her to rest. The vet had told me, as long as she was eating and being social, she’s not quite there yet. And no matter how emaciated and frail she became she kept eating almost compulsively. Nicola actually kept eating till the very last day. All the way up to two nights before her passing, she joined us for dinner as she always did. And yesterday, as I kept her vigil waiting for the vet to come, Nicola drew her last breath and departed on her own peacefully.
Even though this was much anticipated — unlike her brother’s sudden death three and a half years ago — and I tried to make her last days as best as I could for her, it is still excruciating. After all, she was with me for well over 17 years, which is a chunk of time in anyone’s lifetime. As any loss would do, she leaves a gaping hole. As I spend my first day without a kitty in a daze, I find myself going back to read the messages I’m receiving by text and on my FaceBook post. I’ve been noticing many of friends have lost their pets recently, and such personal posts seem to prompt tons of sympathetic messages, which gives me much solace.
In fact, this FaceBook world is a microcosm of Samsara, a concept of rebirth and cyclicality of all life, matter, existence in some of the Eastern philosophy or religion. Aside from the political comments, I see everything happening as I scroll the timeline: I see others losing family members both human and pets. Some are announcing arrivals of grandchildren or new babies. Someone just got married. Some recovering from illness or injury. Some are asking for prayers for their loved ones for whatever life circumstances they need support with. You can see and experience 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows all on this one platform on any day. As Buddha taught, this is just how life is. Friends are supporting me to take my feelings as they come as I grieve for Nicola. Meanwhile, I do get to experience joy somewhere in between. Yes, I get to live through this… this life of Samsara with my eyes and heart wide open.
#YouCanSitWithUs