Certainly Uncertain
In my neighborhood daffodils and plum blossoms are exploding. Yes, “exploding” as it just got warm almost suddenly last week. I love walking around the blocks and seeing our neighbors’ yards being cheerfully adorned by pretty yellow and pink. It reminds me that they were blooming as we moved up here a year ago to live full time — we thought “for the time being” as COVID-19 shut our world down. I got to live the full cycle of seasons here. There’s a sense of joy to come out of cold winter in the mountains to this refreshingly beautiful warmth. I’m grateful every morning to wake up let alone to see the spring springing so zestfully.
Meanwhile, so much has happened to us — all of us while the Mother Earth went around the orbit of the sun. I think there are some parts of our lives that we can’t even recognize from a year ago. Things seem to be unfolding so quickly it’s hard to tell what’s going where.
It was just about a year ago, my mom started showing some signs of dementia while she was still living in her apartment alone. She had been declining steadily for some time, but she was always fairly keen in her mind. I remember thinking her end was coming closer, yet I hoped she would hang in there much longer. As we found out a couple of weeks ago, her end was indeed near at this point. While I am preparing to travel to Japan, I don’t know if or when I will get to see her as the travel restriction for foreign nationals is still in place. Who would have thought… who would have thought that by my naturalizing (because I wanted the right to vote in this country) would hinder me from returning to my native land when my mother was dying?
Tomorrow I go to the Consulate General of Japan in Los Angeles to submit my application for the special visa. I went and got vaccinated a couple of days ago although it doesn’t seem to give me any advantage for getting the visa but only for my own comfort for the travel. Besides I will still have to quarantine for 14 days upon arrival. But, oh but, things are changing just like the seasons change! May be they will lift the quarantine for those who are vaccinated. May be I will be able to get to the hospital and visit her without waiting for 14 days. May be and may be not… It is quite certain that everything is uncertain at this point. All I can do is to flow with the uncertainty.