Being with What Is
Being with What Is
The last I heard from Japan is that my mom will be moving to a residential rehab facility where she can stay until we find a more permanent situation for her. My brother is working on getting some financial assistance for her so we can keep her apartment for now, which relieves the urgency for me to get there. I figure I have a few months to figure out if and when I can make the trip.
It’s been emotionally hard not to be able to have a direct contact with mom. I’ve called the nurse station a few times to ask how she’s doing. They say she’s doing well — getting her daily rehab and finishing her meals, which is comforting, but I don’t know how she’s feeling. Does she even know she’s not going back to her apartment again?
On top of my mom’s situation, my beloved kitty, Nicola, seems to have entered her last leg lately. It is still not quite eminent, but she’s steadily declining. After all she’s 17-years old with both kidney disease and hyperthyroidism, both of which are very common with older cats (and probably dogs). I’m bracing myself for the anticipated loss. It brings me right back to when her brother, Riley, passed away unexpectedly and how devastated I was. I’ve had some moments in the last week or so when I was taken over by the anticipatory grief, potentially from two losses. I don’t know if I can endure the heartbreak.
Then I’ve had a few family and friends who’ve gone through something similar. They tell me how they did make it through and that I would, too. My husband, Kenny, reminded me that I have my practice. That’s right. I remember now I picked up this meditation practice in a more consistent way when my father was dying of cancer 20 years ago. Indeed, the practice helps me to be with discomfort without fighting it. And what I discovered is that while I’m feeling sad, I can also find some joy at the same time. It is possible to contain the varying thoughts and feelings — both pleasant and unpleasant — in any moment. I’m grateful…
#YouCanSitWithUs
I found a Dharma talk on Dharma Seed last night titled, “Being with Discomfort is the Core Competence of the Path.” The teacher, Ayya Santacitta was generally referring to the collective challenge we face in this world, but it certainly applies to us at the personal level.