ComAre You Feeling It?

While the exam I took last week was somewhat stressful, I just got in touch with the deeper stress I’ve been feeling in the last few weeks. (By the way, I passed the exam, and I am now a LEED Green Associate!). I’ve been waking up with considerable heaviness in my heart lately. I didn’t realize until I was sitting at the Sunday morning sitting group listening to Jack Kornfield and Trudy Goodman talk about the state of the world, especially in our country. I feel like I have been avoiding the news and avoiding to face the underlining fear. Yet, once I got a glimpse of what’s weighing me, I could no longer ignore.

As I was moving through the crowd after the concert at Hollywood Bowl, it crossed my mind, “what if…” As I picnicked and enjoyed the free concert at a neighborhood park on a Sunday afternoon, it crossed my mind, “it could happen here.” I’m fortunate to live on the Westside where we consider “safe” although I’m also painfully aware no place is immune. And it’s not that I’m living in fear all the time, I’m aware that I’m aware of unthinkable possibilities.

Then what is an anecdote to this undercurrent of stress? It is not avoiding crowd, not not going out to enjoy life, or not carrying a weapon of any sort. It is to be mindful — really be aware of my thoughts that triggers the fear therefore the stress. It is to be compassionate for myself and for others for the difficulties in our lives. It is to practice random act of kindness, even if it means to smile as we pass a stranger on the street.

Getting my feet wet on the beach soothes my soul. It lets me know I’m O.K. for the moment, and reminds me to be grateful every day that I get to live in this wide wild world.