Another Sleepless Night
I rarely have trouble falling asleep at night. As I lay down in bed, I’m usually conked out within a few minutes. But last night I didn’t. May be because I watched the debate, I was restless. I laid in bed wide awake for a couple of hours wondering where my kitty was. She went to the bathroom as I was getting in bed, and I was expecting her to hop right back on the bed next to me as she usually does. I crawled out of bed and checked underneath, and there she was. It’s a sign she’s not feeling well when she’s under the bed like that.
My baby, Nicola, the 17-year old black kitty has been coming close to the end of her time. Between her kidney disease and hyperthyroidism, she lost all her flesh and now barely weighs 5 pounds. It’s heartbreaking to pet her emaciated body. I keep asking her to let me know when she’s ready to go join her brother, Riley, in Heaven. So far, what I get is her demand for more food every few hours. In the recent weeks, she gets sick every other night. Even though she still comes to bed with me next to my face, she has a hard time settling down and keeps asking me to stroke her bony chest by gently pulling my hand towards the part of her body. Last night was one of those nights. I was awake comforting her, or at least trying to comfort her, all night.
We all go through something like this. Whether we just can’t fall asleep or we have to get up to care for a baby or any loved one who is sick or needs care. With everything that’s going on in the world, especially in this country, those nights can become rather scary as mind can get quite creative to concoct some bad stories. Even though I tried to remember to practice the mindfulness of breathing as I laid awake stroking Nicola, I was not too successful in calming my mind. All I could do was noticing any and all the fearful thoughts as I became aware of them so they wouldn’t turn into some nightmares. I don’t know how many more days I get to have Nicola with me, and I cherish each moment even in those sleepless nights. And I’m grateful for my practice that allows me to feel both the joy and sadness so deeply.
#YouCanSitWithUs