Accepting What Is
Today was the one-year anniversary of my beloved kitty, Nicola’s passing, and it’s been exactly two weeks since my mom passed. I know I’m not the only one who’s lost more than one beloved ones during this pandemic. For me it is a mixture of blessings, ironies, and frustrations, and I’d imagine many have experienced something similar.
For one, I wouldn’t have been able to be with Nicola if it weren’t for the pandemic. She was a high maintenance cat. She was very finicky and demanding all her life. Towards the end, she got more fussy about her food and her environment. Yet I loved her all the more. I am so grateful that I was able to be with her at home as much as I did thanks to the shutdown.
Meanwhile, as my mom was hospitalized and eventually transferred to the rehab facility, I was no longer able to talk to her as I used regularly because they didn’t have access to such thing as FaceTime, which was how I was in touch with my mom. When I finally got to Japan in May, I only got to see her twice because the hospitals weren’t allowing visitors, even family members. I am still grateful that I got to see her to say good bye. For whatever reason, both my kitty and my mom ended up meeting their end of life during this time of chaos. I don’t wish things were different with how it went with Nicola, but I do with regards to my mom. Yet, this is how things played out, and I can only accept how everything was.
This last week, I got to stay at my friend’s in Santa Monica for a week to cat sit. Not only that I got to be with two lovely kitties, but could I walk to the beach. When I lived on the Westside, I used to get to the beach a couple of times a week. It was important for me to connect with the ocean, the Pacific. Ever since I got to the U.S. so many years ago, getting to the beaches on the West Coast meant that I got to connect with my homeland on the other side. My mom’s name was Yoko (洋子) and it spelled with a character that means “ocean” (“洋“). Not all “Yoko” uses the character. My grandparents named her with that spelling because she was born by the ocean as I did. May be that’s why I love being by or on the beach so much. For today, I am just grateful — period — for everything just the way it is.
#YouCanSitWithUs